


never tear us apart

by andromedagalaxy



Series: Philkas College Verse [47]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 15:42:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12938436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedagalaxy/pseuds/andromedagalaxy
Summary: Philip stays quiet as they get their tickets to the museum and head towards the planetarium, but he holds onto Lukas with both hands as his emotions start to get the best of him. There are a bunch of other people flooding into the planetarium at the same time they are, and Lukas tugs Philip down the main aisle, making for two seats near the end.They sit down, still holding hands.“This is really cute,” Philip whispers, once the show starts and the universe unfolds above them.“I know you liked it before,” Lukas says.They’d gone a while back, while Lukas was in astronomy. And Philip had more than liked it, heloved it. He hadn’t really allowed himself to think about it once he saw the plans for it, but now that he’s here—they’re here—Lukas’s hand settled on Philip’s knee—well, it’s hitting him. And before he can even form the words, Lukas whispers them into his ear.“I wanted to give you the stars,” he says, kissing Philip on the cheek.





	never tear us apart

Philip wakes up on Saturday with anticipation fluttering through his veins. He shifts a little bit—the comforter and the sheets are still so soft since they washed them, and Philip turns his face into his pillow, smiling to himself. He feels Lukas’s arm tighten around his middle, and Lukas slots their bodies together from behind him, dropping a kiss to his shoulder. 

“Too early,” Lukas mutters, his voice rough. 

“Go back to sleep,” Philip whispers, smoothing his fingers up and down the back of Lukas’s hand.

Lukas hums his dissent. “Can’t,” he says, kissing the nape of Philip’s neck now. “It’s your birthday.”

Philip laughs a little bit. “It isn’t my birthday anymore.”

“Philip, it’s your birthday,” Lukas says, a little more clearly this time. “I’ve got all sorts of birthday plans for the birthday boy.”

“Jesus,” Philip snorts, closing his eyes. “Birthday boy.”

“That’s you,” Lukas says. He groans a little bit, kissing Philip’s shoulder a few more times like he can’t help himself. Philip closes his eyes. It feels really good. Lukas nuzzles his nose there too, sighing a little bit. “Few more seconds,” he says.

“For what?” Philip asks, looking over his shoulder, only catching a glimpse of Lukas’s blond hair.

“For me to lay here before I get up.”

“What are you getting up for?” Philip asks, his brows furrowing. “You just said too early.” He looks at the clock—a little after ten in the morning. Lukas, usually an early riser, has been sleeping in since he got back, almost til noon, so this is sorta too early for how it’s been lately. Lukas signed up for summer classes yesterday, moaning and groaning about the ones he had to take before eight. Philip only signed up for one, just to catch up with his minor, and was lucky enough to get it at noon every Wednesday. But he knows Lukas will be back to his early morning ways as soon as it’s required of him.

“Breakfast in bed,” Lukas says.

Philip sighs, a small smile tugging at his mouth. “You don’t have to.”

“Want to.”

“Want me to help you?” Philip asks, giving in easy because the gesture makes his chest go all warm. He twists around in Lukas’s arms so he’s facing him, and Lukas only drags him closer.

“Defeats the purpose,” Lukas says, running his thumb over Philip’s bottom lip. Philip wonders if he can feel how fast his heart is beating. “And anyways, you’re shit in the kitchen, babe. We have to accept it.”

Philip scoffs, grinning. “Wow, Lukas. On my birthday.”

Lukas nods, leaning in and kissing him. “Exactly. On your birthday.”

~

Philip is shocked when Lukas presents him with strawberry crepes a little while later, carrying them in on a tray with a fucking mimosa. Izzy follows behind him, smiling like she helped, and Philip quickly sits up, trying not to look so surprised.

“So when are we opening up your restaurant, babe?” Philip asks, as Lukas puts the tray over his lap. Philip holds onto it when he sees Lukas pat the bed so Izzy can jump up, and she does, spinning around in a circle and settling against Philip’s knee. Lukas climbs over him and lays down beside him, looking proud.

“Once we retire,” Lukas says. “Then we’ll be old and all our customers will be too nice to say that my food isn’t even that good.”

“Shut up,” Philip says, taking a bite and savoring it. “Mmm, Lukas, I swear.” It’s as good as it looks, and he can’t find the proper words to describe it. He hopes the look on his face does the talking for him.

“Stop complimenting me,” Lukas says, slumping down and kissing Philip’s elbow.

Philip laughs, taking a sip of his drink. “So how should I dress for our day?” he asks, tasting the alcohol and humming to himself. “You got any particular requirements?”

“Just look cute,” Lukas says. “Though I doubt you’ll have any issue with that.”

Philip thinks of pictures, sending newly engaged selfies to Helen and Gabe and Bo. He doesn’t want to look stupid. Or unprepared. “Black button up maybe?” he asks.

“Since when do you care about what you’re wearing?” Lukas asks, quirking up an eyebrow.

Philip is giving himself away again. “Okay, I’ll wear overalls.”

Lukas hums a little bit, tilting his head back. “Black button up is fine.”

Philip grins. “You sure? I mean, overalls, sandals…I’ll be comfortable.”

Lukas gives him a look, and Philip laughs. “Eat your food,” Lukas says, squeezing Philip’s knee. “I’ll pick out clothes and bring them into the bathroom. We’re getting a shower in a second here.”

“You planned the day down to the shower?” Philip calls, taking another bite of his crepe. 

“Yes sir,” Lukas calls, rummaging through their closet. “This is gonna be the best day of your life and I’m gonna make sure of it.”

Philip presses his lips together as to not smile too hard. He knows it’s gonna be. But Lukas doesn’t know he knows. The ring is in a boot he doesn’t wear too much anymore, and Lukas is too close to it right now for Philip’s liking. But Philip knows he won’t pick those shoes, and he wonders for a moment how he’s gonna get the box into his pocket without being seen. Issues of a relationship without secrets, but he wouldn’t want it any other way.

~

They do more making out in the shower than actual washing, and it still thrills Philip that they can’t keep their hands off each other when they have the opportunity. He knows they’ll still be like this when they’re old, and he’ll still find pleasure in Lukas’s body when he’s eighty. It’s sort of a thrill, being completely and utterly in love with someone. Sometimes he shocks himself with the thoughts he has about Lukas, with the things he knows he would do for him.

He can’t wait for them to spend the rest of their lives together.

But for now, Philip analyzes slippery wet skin and narrows his eyes.

“You’ve got bruises all over that I didn’t notice before,” Philip says, his hand slipping over one on Lukas’s lower back.

“Usually when I’m naked we’re distracted by other things,” Lukas says, grabbing the shampoo and pouring it into his hair. 

Philip sees another one on Lukas’s hip. “Ugh, Lukas.”

“Comes with the territory,” Lukas says, with a sigh. He reaches up and starts lathering the shampoo in his hair, and Philip absentmindedly starts helping him. 

“Wish I could wrap you up in bubble wrap,” Philip says, kissing Lukas’s shoulder. “You’d look real cute riding the bike that way.”

Lukas laughs, briefly looking over his shoulder. “Yeah right.”

“Babe, don’t forget that soon I’m gonna be required by law to call you cute at all times, so you better get used to it,” Philip says. But then his heart rattles in his chest. Mentioning marriage. On the day they’re gonna get engaged. On the day that he’s not supposed to know that they’re getting engaged. 

But Lukas doesn’t falter. “Oh is that part of it? What else is in the law?”

Philip is relieved and he soaps up the hair on the back of Lukas’s neck before he works an arm around his middle. “It’s definitely law that I always get breakfast in bed on weekends.”

“Oh wow, I haven’t heard of that one,” Lukas says, leaning back under the spray. Philip shifts a little bit, pressing against him, so the water covers him too.

“What about the one about forty-seven kisses a day?” Philip asks, kissing between Lukas’s shoulder blades.

Lukas turns around, sliding his hands up and down Philip’s shoulders. “Baby, it was absolutely fifty-two.”

Philip grins at him.

~

They sit out half a feast for Izzy but enlist Nathan and the kids to come take her out a couple times while they’re gone, which confirms to Philip that they’re gonna be out most of the day. He’d been wondering if they’d go up Empire State during the day or at night, before or after they ate, and now the day is starting to take shape in his head. He slips the ring into his zippered jacket pocket, knowing it’s probably gonna be too hot out there to wear it, but he’s too terrified to have something so precious anywhere where it could fall out.

And then they’re off.

One of Philip’s favorite things in the world is riding on the back of Lukas’s bike in the city. They don’t do it a lot, since traffic is impossible and it’s rare to actually find a good parking spot, but Philip thinks Lukas wanted this kind of closeness today. And Philip loves it—being this close, their city all around them, flying through these streets they know so well. New York always reminded him of his mother, and Philip was worried that would taint things when they moved here. That he’d be sad all the time, longing for her, for the short amount of time they had together. But somehow he feels her everywhere, her liveliness even in death, her approval for the life he’s made with Lukas.

Philip feels at peace, feels alive in New York. Feels like he’s doing what she would have always wanted him to.

They park over close to the museum but Philip tries to play dumb. They get off the bike and Lukas takes Philip’s hand, leading him out of the garage. 

“Where are we going?” Philip asks, pressing his lips together, smiling.

Lukas only shrugs. He looks so proud and happy and Philip just loves him so fucking much. 

“Are we going multiple places?” Philip asks.

“Yeah,” Lukas admits. “Put aside a lot of parking money—”

Philip tugs on his hand. “Lukas, we can take the subway. Just come back here at the end of the night.”

Lukas looks down at him as they stop at the light, the corner of his mouth tugging up. “We hate the subway,” he says. 

“But it’s convenient,” Philip says. “Especially if we’re gonna be drinking.”

“We’re not gonna drink too much,” Lukas says, as they start to cross the street with the rest of the crowd. “Gotta be on our game.”

Philip’s heart lurches again. “Are we gonna _play a game_?” he asks, grinning.

Lukas hums a little bit, staring straight ahead. “We will see.”

~

Philip stays quiet as they get their tickets to the museum and head towards the planetarium, but he holds onto Lukas with both hands as his emotions start to get the best of him. There are a bunch of other people flooding into the planetarium at the same time they are, and Lukas tugs Philip down the main aisle, making for two seats near the end.

They sit down, still holding hands. 

“This is really cute,” Philip whispers, once the show starts and the universe unfolds above them.

“I know you liked it before,” Lukas says. 

They’d gone a while back, while Lukas was in astronomy. And Philip had more than liked it, he _loved it_. He hadn’t really allowed himself to think about it once he saw the plans for it, but now that he’s here—they’re here—Lukas’s hand settled on Philip’s knee—well, it’s hitting him. And before he can even form the words, Lukas whispers them into his ear.

“I wanted to give you the stars,” he says, kissing Philip on the cheek. 

Philip tries not to get choked up, and he keeps slipping into the past. Into junior year of high school, all that hell and fear and uncertainty. God, he wishes time machines were a thing. The idea of soothing his past self with moments like this. The shimmering brightness hovers overhead and Philip leans on Lukas’s shoulder, unable to stop smiling. The galaxies evolve in front of their eyes, the stars cascading in and out of time, going bright and red and shining, then fading, another star burning bold in their place. Sometimes Philip thinks about how infinite it is. How much there is that they don’t know. But it’s beautiful. He glances at Lukas and sees the display project on his face. He’s the most incredible thing Philip has ever seen.

Lukas catches him staring and smiles at him. He takes Philip’s chin in his hand and tugs him closer, pressing a kiss to his lips. “This one’s better than last time,” he says, nuzzling their noses together. “No long narration.”

Philip snorts, resting his forehead on Lukas’s shoulder as he tries to muffle his laughter. “It’s beautiful,” Philip whispers. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Lukas says, brushing Philip’s hair back from his forehead. “You’re more beautiful than this every day by a thousand miles.”

Philip’s chest goes warm and he leans in, pressing a long kiss to Lukas’s neck. “I love you.”

~

They wander around the museum a little bit afterwards, Lukas posing next to dinosaur bones and ocean exhibits. Philip takes a photo of him surrounded by butterflies in the conservatory and it’s instantly one of his favorites, encapsulating Lukas’s childlike wonder and the kindness that Philip saw in him from the beginning. 

“So we’re gonna take the bike over to the eating place, I think,” Lukas says, as they walk through the mummy exhibit. 

“The eating place?” Philip probes, blinking up at him.

Lukas clicks his tongue. “Not spoiling it.”

“Why don’t you tell me the kind of food?” Philip asks, widening his eyes. 

Lukas shakes his head, though he looks close to breaking. “We’ll be there in a bit,” he says. “We’ll park over there and then after we eat we’ll take the subway to the Emp—to the last place.” He clears his throat and Philip grins at him. 

“Okay,” Philip says, watching Lukas’s cheeks color. “We can go now if you’re ready.”

“Yeah?” Lukas asks. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Philip says, leaning in and giving him a peck on the lips.

~

“Lukas,” Philip says, his heart in his throat. They walk up to Del Posto and Philip is freaked out—this was one of the restaurants on the list but he never thought it’d be the one Lukas chose. “Lukas,” he says again.

“What?” Lukas asks, squeezing his hand. 

“Del Posto?” Philip asks, nearly yelling. “This place is like a million dollars—”

“Way less than a million,” Lukas says, as they approach the front of the building. Philip has been by this place before—he used to ride his bike all around the city when he was younger, far and wide, so many miles away that sometimes he wasn’t sure if he’d make it back. He always thought the people going inside Del Posto looked fancy. He could always see the candlelight glowing through the window.

Lukas looks back at him. “Is it fine?” he asks, worry in his eyes once they’re a few steps from the door. “Is there something else you wanna—”

“No, no,” Philip says, clearing his throat. “No, this is amazing. I’m just—well, I never thought I’d be inside this place.”

Lukas smiles, looking proud. “C’mon, baby. I wanna treat you good.”

~

Lukas insists on reading him the menu so he doesn’t see the prices, which results in a ton of mispronunciations and hysterical fits of laughter. Their waitress seems particularly intent on making this dinner perfect for them, and eventually when Lukas becomes absolutely incapable of reading all the Italian dishes, she recommends some for them, and they go by what they’re sure is her expert opinion.

This restaurant is beautiful. Even prettier than Philip could have imagined. It looks like something special, with its winding staircases and thick white table cloths. Somewhere rich people go. There are only a few other people in here, two couples and a family, and the whole thing feels very intimate. It’s a very impressive place, and Philip can tell Lukas is proud of his choice.

Philip bites into his lobster when it comes and tears immediately spring to his eyes. He makes a little noise and covers his mouth, closing his eyes. 

“Oh my god, babe,” Lukas laughs.

Philip shakes his head. 

“The first tears of the night are because of the food?” Lukas laughs.

“Lukas,” Philip says, chewing. “This is…this is…this is absolutely…” He doesn’t want the bite to end. He has a pretty substantial portion but he knows it could never be enough, for how fucking good it is. He pushes his plate in Lukas’s direction, swallowing and holding out his fork as he maneuvers around the candle in the middle of their table. “Try it,” he says.

“You sure?” Lukas asks.

Philip nods. “You gotta.”

Lukas takes a little bite and closes his eyes just like Philip did, nodding his head. “Amazing,” he says, handing the fork back.

Philip takes another bite and for a moment they’re just eating in silence, luxuriating in the bliss that is this dinner. Lukas really went all out, and Philip is radiating with love for him. He knows this place has to be in triple digits price wise, and it absolutely kills him that Lukas is using his race winnings for this. For a nice dinner together, just like he said before he left. It makes Philip feel really, really good, and he tries to push down those instincts that don’t want Lukas to be paying for him. They’re gonna have five courses of this, and Philip is probably gonna die by the end of it. 

They keep eating, talking about anything and everything. In the beginning of their relationship, Philip had worried that they’d eventually run out of things to talk about, and when they moved in together that thought crossed his mind again, since they’d been spending so much time together. But he’s learned that as well as being the love of his life, Lukas is his best friend. There’s never awkward moments between them, never any dullness or silences that aren’t comfortable. He could talk to Lukas until the end of time without either of them getting tired of the other. And it really makes Philip feel proud, considering how he found him, in the beginning. Always ready to clam up, hardly anything to say. Lukas was tall, mysterious, quiet, cool. But in the life they’ve made together he’s found Lukas’s goofy side, his sensitive side, the wide array of things he likes and doesn’t like. No one else knows that Lukas is obsessed with cereal bars. That he doesn’t like to step on cracks on the sidewalk. That he loves going into furniture stores to pretend he’s shopping. Philip feels like he’s sitting on a goldmine of information, and once again he wants to go back and tell his past self what he’s learned. Or, at least, he wants to say _don’t worry, hang in there. He’s gonna be all yours._

“No,” Philip laughs, taking a sip of his wine. “That did not happen.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re remembering it wrong.”

Lukas blows out a breath, smiling wide and meeting Philip’s eyes. “You literally monopolized the alcohol table.”

“Nope,” Philip says, taking another bite of his lasagna. “Lies. And deceit.”

“Sure,” Lukas says, nodding. “That’s why I almost had to stop three times on the way home to make sure you didn’t die.”

Philip barely remembers the night they graduated high school and he shrugs, grinning. “But we made it, right?”

“We made it,” Lukas says, raising his eyebrows. “And all night that night you were talking in your sleep and flipping around like a freak.”

Philip laughs, sitting back in his seat. “I don’t think you ever told me that.”

“No way, I had to.”

“I don’t remember,” Philip says. “What was I saying?”

“All kinds of cute shit,” Lukas says, the corner of his mouth tugging up. “You kept going on about me being a white knight, and also you were angry because I wouldn’t have sex with you while you were drunk.” He dissolves into laughter. 

Philip sighs and finishes his lasagna, cleaning off the plate as good as he can, because this was another perfect dish and he wants to make it clear how much he enjoyed it. “Well I can see the frustration.”

“I’m pretty sure we’ve never had sex when one of us was drunk unless we were both drunk,” Lukas says. 

“Because you’re gallant,” Philip says, gazing at him. 

“How was it?” their waitress says, breezing back over to their table.

“Life changing,” Philip says, looking up at her. “I’m serious.”

“Good,” she says, like she doesn’t work at the best restaurant in New York. “What’ll dessert be?”

“I think it’s gotta be the pistachio thing,” Lukas says, and Philip snorts, shaking his head. “Right babe?”

“Yeah,” Philip says. “That sounded awesome.”

“Right away,” the waitress says, smiling and nodding at them as she walks away. 

Philip feels Lukas’s socked foot running up his leg. Philip leans his arms on the table, gazing at him. “Lukas,” he says. 

“Yes?” Lukas asks, smiling slyly.

Philip’s emotions are getting a hold of him. “Uh—this is—this is really nice,” he says, nodding, his chest tight. “This place is amazing, you’re—you’re amazing—”

Lukas takes Philip’s hand and presses his lips to his knuckles before holding his palm against his cheek. “I love you,” he whispers. “I’m—I’m glad you like it.”

Everything about him makes Philip ache. His throat hurts and his voice is lost somewhere in the ragged depths of it, but he’s never been this in love before. He didn’t know it was possible to love Lukas more, but he’s still surprising him. One day he might burst with this love, break apart under its weight, but it would be worth it to have experienced it at all. 

And plus, Philip knows Lukas would put him back together again. He always does.

“So I guess I do come up with good ideas sometimes,” Lukas says, grinning, still holding Philip’s hand.

“Yeah,” Philip says, unable to look away from someone so damn cute. “Sometimes.”

~

After they eat their dessert, which is outrageously good, their waitress brings them this amazing tiny set of drawers with chocolates inside of it, and Philip nearly cries again. Lukas signs the check like he’s Mr. Moneybags and Philip still can’t believe this shit. They had a five course, two and a half hour meal at one of the fanciest places around. Lukas is his boyfriend, the love of his life, and he loves him too.

Lukas is gonna propose to him. 

They’re gonna propose to each other.

“What’s that look?” Lukas asks, as they walk out of the restaurant. “You gonna go into a food coma?”

Philip laughs, taking Lukas’s hand. “Just wondering where we’re heading to next,” he says, trying to keep the waver out of his voice. 

“The incredible New York subway,” Lukas declares. “Your very favorite. The F train.”

Philip groans and Lukas laughs, kissing him on the forehead.

~

A group of four guys sing Beatles songs for their subway ride and Philip rests his head on Lukas’s shoulder and closes his eyes. He knows their lives won’t be any different once they’re engaged, probably won’t be any different once they’re married, save for a few legalities. But he loves the idea of it. Loves that they’ve made it here. Sometimes he still can’t believe it, and other times he can’t believe it took them this long.

“Did you hire these guys?” Philip asks, watching as Lukas tips them with a ten dollar bill before they get off at their stop.

“Nah,” Lukas says, wrapping an arm around Philip’s shoulders. “I wish.”

Philip snorts, watching the stops go by. He sees Herald Square coming up, but he tries to keep himself from making a move so Lukas won’t suspect he knows.

His heart is hammering in his throat. He hasn’t rehearsed this at all because he has no idea what Lukas is gonna do, how he’s gonna do it, and Philip definitely doesn’t want to step on his toes. He gets a little scared, thinking about it. 

“You still wanna see that heist movie on Thursday?” Lukas asks. 

“That’s Idris right?” Philip asks, looking up at him.

“Yep,” Lukas says. 

“Duh,” Philip says, grinning.

~

The Empire State Building towers up into the sky in front of them, glowing in rainbow colors for some reason, and Philip tries to level himself out. He’s excited and nervous and terrified and elated and he doesn’t know what his face is doing. He feels fucking drunk.

“So I guess you know where we’re going?” Lukas asks, and his voice sounds a little weak, the nerves clear there. 

Philip grins at him, and opts for sarcasm for both their sakes. “Forever 21? Lukas, you know I’m not a fan of that place.” 

Lukas swats at his arm and Philip laughs, tugging him back in. 

“We going to the very top this time?” Philip asks. 

He feels like a little shit liar. The wind whips around his face as they walk and he’s going red with embarrassment. Lukas planned this whole amazing day and he has no idea that Philip fucking spoiled it for himself. Philip is just waltzing around, having ruined a surprise for one of the most important days of their lives.

He doesn’t know what to do. This isn’t like a normal secret, not like the whole thing with Dour. If he told his secret he’d be ruining Lukas’s secret. They keep walking and Philip feels tense, but Lukas leans in once they’ve crossed the street and presses a lop-sided kiss to his cheek. 

“You excited?” Lukas asks, squeezing his hand. 

“Of course,” Philip says. “I love it up there.”

~

It’s way busier than he was expecting, and he can tell Lukas is getting antsy as they move slowly through the line. It wasn’t nearly this bad when they went up together before, and Lukas keeps sighing, making a break for it when they’re offered the last two spots in the elevator.

“I didn’t think it’d be this busy,” Lukas says, pressed up against Philip’s back as they start going up.

Philip’s ears pop, and he opens his mouth in a big yawn. “It’s okay,” he says.

Lukas hums a little bit, and Philip can feel the tension all over him. 

Once they get to the 80th floor the crowd only seems to get bigger. Lukas is on a mission now, his jaw set, and he takes Philip’s hand and weaves around people to get to the stairwell, as the line for the second elevator is outrageous. The trek up to the 86th is absolute hell and they’re huffing and puffing by the third stairwell, and they can barely pull themselves aside to take a break with the amount of people stomping along behind them, so they don’t get one. Philip gets sweaty and he can see Lukas is too, which probably isn’t helping with his nerves.

“Jesus Christ,” Lukas mutters, once they get up to the 86th. There are like a million people up there, only a few empty patches in the room, and Philip’s heart is hammering in his chest. He knows the hand that Lukas is holding is really sweaty and gross. Philip takes off his jacket, completely unnecessary at this point save for what it has inside it, and drapes it securely around his arm before taking Lukas’s hand again. Lukas sighs, looking at him. “You wanna go outside?” he asks. “We can go the rest of the way in like…a bit.”

“Yeah,” Philip says, knowing it’s gonna happen at any moment. He knows he knows and he shouldn’t know, Lukas worked so hard and Philip feels like shit. Why did he have to look at the laptop that day? He should have told him immediately and then Lukas would have had the opportunity to change his plans. He feels like the biggest asshole.

Lukas leads him over to the closest door, but there’s a line there too, all kinds of people chattering in different languages and taking pictures. They finally get outside onto the observation deck a few minutes later, and there isn’t any room anywhere next to the walls. The sun is setting, giving way to the stunning night view that Empire provides. The rainbow colors are shining down on the crowd and Philip sorta wonders how they managed to get those colors on this night. 

The wind is outrageous and Lukas has a sour look on his face.

“It’s okay,” Philip says, rubbing Lukas’s chest, but it’s so windy that he’s not even sure if Lukas can hear him. He doesn’t acknowledge it. He’s looking around, his eyes wide, and he seems to be surveying everything, looking down at the ground and the amount of space and all the people. The wind is so loud, like someone rattling a piece of aluminum right next to their ears.

“Hey look,” Lukas says, sounding far away, and Philip follows his hand—a small spot has opened up as two girls move away from the wall, and Lukas quickly moves in and shoves the both of them in there. They’re pressed up against each other and someone knocks into Philip’s shoulder as they go by, people coming and going and moving everywhere. 

Philip licks his lips and stares down at the city. Out of the four sides this is his least favorite one, and he knows Lukas knows it, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s still beautiful. Philip sees Lukas’s mouth move and he can vaguely hear him saying something, but the wind is unforgiving, loud and billowing. Philip shakes his head, leaning in close to Lukas’s ear. “I can’t hear you,” he practically yells, almost unable to hear himself. He nuzzles against Lukas’s cheek, kissing him below his ear.

Lukas stares off, still leaning into Philip, and Philip rubs his hand over Lukas’s chest again. His heart is beating so fast.

Philip doesn’t know what to do. He can see Lukas’s plan is crumbling and he feels like shit because he wants to help him, he wants to soothe him, he wants to make this better.

Lukas mouths something and again, Philip can’t hear him, but he can tell he wants to go somewhere because he’s tugging him away from the wall and back over towards the door. Philip follows him as they maneuver around people and make it back inside, and Lukas tugs him off towards the middle of the room, wrapping one arm around his middle.

Lukas is breathing hard, and Philip knows the beginning of a panic attack when he sees one. This isn’t going the way Lukas planned, and someone bumps into them as they pass, heading for the door. Lukas grits his teeth and bows his head, and Philip’s heart lurches.

“Baby,” Philip says, before he even really thinks about it. “I know what you’re doing.”

“What?” Lukas asks, eyes wild.

Philip can’t take it anymore and he cups Lukas’s face in his hands, and he’s sure his smile is manic. “When you were gone I had to use your laptop and—all the tabs were still open—I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to see it but I saw it and—I didn’t—I didn’t mean to see it—” He laughs a little bit and he feels ridiculous. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

For once in his life, he can’t read Lukas’s face. “You—you knew…?” Lukas asks, blinking.

“I’ve still had the most perfect day, Lukas,” Philip says, his heart raging. “I just—”

“Oh my God,” Lukas exclaims, his shoulders sagging. “Thank God. Oh my God, I was freaking out thinking I was making a goddamn fool of myself but if you know, you know what it was supposed to be—”

“Lukas, no, you’re fine,” Philip says, smiling, a little confused. “You’re not…you’re not mad?”

“No,” Lukas says, shaking his head, looking a bit like he just ran a marathon. “No, no, of course I’m not mad.”

“Thank Christ,” Philip says, blowing out a breath. “I was fine at first but then I started to like…panic.”

“Oh God, baby,” Lukas laughs, his voice a little high. “If I could have rented the place out I would have—I guess this was all really obvious—we were lucky with the rainbow—”

Philip leans in and kisses him on the cheek. “It’s amazing, it’s been so amazing, it’s exactly what I’ve pictured and I’m glad….” He clears his throat, swallowing hard. “I’m glad I knew because I wanted—I wanted to give you one—one at the same time as you—as you gave me—”

At that Lukas’s eyes light up and his breathing speeds up. “You—you what?”

“I wanted to do it at the same time,” Philip says, feeling a little bit like he’s gonna pass out, terrified he’s misreading the whole situation of what Lukas knows and what he doesn’t. “I wanted—I wanted you to have something too.”

Lukas stares at him for a second, and then a wide smile breaks out across his face. “You have a ring too?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Philip says, tentatively, smiling.

“Oh my God,” Lukas says, in a hush, “oh man, it’s happening.”

Philip snorts, leaning forward and resting his forehead on Lukas’s shoulder. 

“Okay,” Lukas says, and he’s trembling all over. “Let’s—let’s do it at the same time, take them—take them out at the same—oh my God, is this why you brought the jacket with the zipper pockets? To keep the ring safe?”

“Yeah,” Philip laughs, feeling a little crazy. 

“Oh my God, I was wondering, it’s not even cold—”

Philip laughs even harder, turning his face into Lukas’s neck.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Lukas says, swallowing hard, his hands on Philip’s waist. “Let’s…let’s do it together. Right now, let’s both—let’s both take them out at the same time.”

“Okay,” Philip says, his heart in his throat now. He reaches down to unzip his pocket, pulling out the box and zipping it back again, dropping the jacket at their feet. When he looks up Lukas is holding a ring box in his hand. Philip’s breath catches in his throat, and when he sees Lukas make a move to open his box he starts to open his own, but they both falter, laughing.

“Okay,” Lukas says, grinning, the lines at the corners of his eyes pronounced in his happiness. “On three.”

“Okay.”

“One, two…three.” They both open their boxes slowly, almost in time. Philip stares at the gold band Lukas got for him and he can’t believe it. He’s short circuiting. He’s losing it. It’s beautiful and it’s his. He can imagine what Lukas looked like picking it out.

Philip is losing his mind. This is it. This is it, this is fucking happening. The stars are aligning, the earth stops spinning, everything slows down for them—that’s what it feels like. The world shining with their love. All the dreams tumbling forward and mashing together to create this. 

This moment.

“I wanna ask you something,” Lukas says, his smile so wide and radiant.

“Me too,” Philip says. “I wanna…me too.”

Lukas laughs, leaning forward and pressing their foreheads together briefly before backing off again. “Together.”

“Yes,” Philip says, nearly overwhelmed with everything he’s feeling right now.

“Lukas—”

“Philip—”

“Will you—”

“Will you—”

“—marry me?”

“—marry me?”

They say it at the exact same time and both burst into hysterics, grinning and bumping their noses together. 

“Oh my God, babe,” Lukas says, tears in his eyes. 

“Yes,” Philip says. “Yes, yes, I will.”

“I will too,” Lukas says, sniffling. He reaches out with a trembling hand and slips his ring onto Philip’s finger, caressing his palm. They both stare down at it and Philip has to snap himself out of his reverie to take his own ring out of the box, quickly putting it onto Lukas’s ring finger. They both drop the boxes onto the jacket and they take each other’s hands, staring down at them. Philip feels like his mind isn’t working properly, all of his memories and fears and fantasies piling up on top of each other. He feels like he’s fallen through a black hole into an alternate universe, but somehow he knows that everywhere, always, any time would have led him here. To this moment. To Lukas. 

Lukas tugs him into a tight hug and starts whispering into his ear. “Nobody ever saw me but you, Philip. You saw me for who I really was and you stuck by me despite the shit I put you through. You saved me, saved my life in so many ways and I can never pay you back for what you’ve done but I’m gonna spend the rest of my life trying. I can’t wait to marry you.”

Philip melts into him, smiling so hard his face hurts, his vision blurry and everything going dark except Lukas. Lukas, the love of his life. Lukas, his fucking _fiancé._ As attached at the hip as they are, he still cannot believe this. He can’t believe it’s truly happening. 

Lukas pulls back and holds Philip’s face in his hands, bringing their mouths together. It’s a soft kiss but so full of promise, and once it breaks they just rest there for a moment, their foreheads pressed together and their hands grasping at each other. 

“Me fumbling around for weeks like an idiot,” Lukas says, smiling, “and you know the whole time.”

Philip snorts. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah, that’s on me, leaving the tabs open,” he says, clicking his tongue at himself. “So dumb. Anyway I’m glad you came out with it because I almost threw up on a couple tourists out there because I was getting so freaked out.”

“I could tell,” Philip says, bringing Lukas’s hands up to his mouth and kissing his knuckles.

“Boys,” a voice with a British accent says, and they both turn to look. Philip is semi terrified that someone is gonna be complaining about their display. But it’s two women, clearly mother and daughter, and they look kind.

“Yes?” Lukas asks, and he looks ready to go on the defensive. Philip tries to be optimistic, because he doesn’t want anybody to take this moment away from them.

“As soon as we realized what was happening,” the younger woman says, “we started taking pictures. We both did it, just as many—as many as we could, I don’t know if you have anybody around here taking photos for you—”

“We don’t,” Philip says, grinning. Then he looks up at Lukas. “Wait, do we?”

“No,” Lukas says, laughing. “Though if we did I’m sure you would have known about it.”

Philip nudges into his arm, gritting his teeth. 

“Well, we have like, fifty between us,” the older woman says. “My hand was shaking because I was so shocked but this thing is supposed to keep the still steady, so hopefully…”

The younger girl turns her phone towards them and shows a beautiful picture, both of them holding their ring boxes. The angle is great, and Philip is so incredibly grateful for them in that moment. He and Lukas both make little impressed noises and Philip is so amazed at their luck. If they’d been outside, they wouldn’t have gotten this. 

“Thank you,” Philip says. “Thank you so much.”

They exchange information with the women and as soon as they part the photos start coming through, texted to them and sent to their emails just in case something happens. 

There’s no more urgency, no more worry or panic, and they wait in line for the 102nd floor elevator like they have nowhere else to be but here. Philip keeps tipping his chin up for kisses because he wants to be as close as he can be right now, and once they get up into the small space on the highest floor they can visit, they wait for a spot and don’t plan on moving for a good while. People can get by them easily the way they’re standing. They’ve got an amazing view of the One World Trade Center, and the Statue of Liberty in the distance.

Philip leans his head on Lukas’s shoulder, wrapping an arm around his middle. He feels so content, like nothing can touch him. He’s safe. For real this time. 

“So when we’re super rich we’re gonna live right over there,” Lukas says, pointing at a bright building down on the ground. 

“Lukas, that’s like, an office building,” Philip snorts. 

“We’ll buy it and then transform it into our new home,” Lukas says. “We’ll have eight hundred dogs.”

“Eight hundred.”

“Yup,” Lukas says, and Philip grins. “And like, we’ll employ a ton of people to take care of them and create a ton of jobs—”

“Very economic,” Philip says. “Thinking about the country. That’s good, babe.”

“You know, I try,” Lukas says, grinning as Philip starts nosing at his neck. The crowds aren’t as bad up here and they’re dwindling down, and it’s starting to feel like it’s just them, with the whole twinkling city at their feet. 

Lukas grabs his hand, the one with the ring. He hones in on it, looking at Philip in mock surprise. “Sir, are you getting married?”

“Oh, yeah,” Philip says, and his cheeks really do hurt from smiling. “Just got engaged tonight, actually.”

“Oh my God, really?” Lukas asks. “On top of the Empire State Building? Isn’t that a little cheesy?”

“No, not at all,” Philip says, fast. “It was really perfect and sexy, actually.”

“Sexy?” Lukas says, kissing Philip’s fingers. “Wow, this guy must be pretty awesome.”

“Everything he does is sexy,” Philip says, watching him. “I can’t wait to marry him.”

Lukas stares at him and gets that look in his eye that shows itself sometimes—such unbearable fondness, sureness, a calm sense of knowing that he’s exactly where he wants to be. “He can’t wait to marry you either,” Lukas says.

~

When they get home it’s late and Lukas brings the bike upstairs because there aren’t any parking spots, and Izzy greets them a lot more enthusiastically than she normally does when she’s tired. Philip notices that Nathan filled up her bowl again, and there are three more toys here than there were when they left this afternoon. Izzy quickly gets distracted by one that’s shaped like a slice of pizza, tossing it into the air and running after it.

“He spoils her,” Philip says. 

“As if we don’t,” Lukas says. He gives her a chewy to prove his point, and then he takes Philip by surprise by crossing the room, cupping his face in his hands and kissing him hard. Philip clutches at him and makes a little involuntary noise, still getting used to the feel of the ring on his finger. It feels like everything is coming back to that, like he has a new center, a new heartbeat. 

“I wanna show you something,” Lukas whispers against his lips. And just like that he’s taking Philip’s hand and leading him into the bedroom, briefly putting up the baby gate so they don’t have to shut Izzy out completely. They usually only put up the gate when they know they’ll probably have sex, and Philip raises his eyebrows at Lukas. 

“Sit down real quick,” Lukas says, giving him a small smile.

“Are you springing something else on me?” Philip asks, watching him walk over to the closet and start rummaging around in there. “Tonight’s events have already done a number on my heart.”

“It is a surprise,” Lukas says, briefly looking over his shoulder. “One I’ve almost spilled a hundred times because I’m an idiot, but I never got into actual detail. No open tabs about this baby, because I don’t need any research to know how I feel about you.” He makes a little _ah-ha_ sound as he finds what he was looking for. He turns around holding a notebook. 

Philip thinks he might have seen it before but he isn’t sure. He knows there’s been vague mentions of Lukas writing shit, but it feels like that’s something he’s made up in his head because nothing ever came of it. Lukas walks over and sits next to him, handing him the notebook. On the front it says, in Lukas’s handwriting, _LETTERS TO PHILIP_. Philip just stares at it for a couple seconds before Lukas starts talking again.

“So like, way back, that Christmas where I had the goddamn unwarranted breakdown at my dad,” Lukas says, shaking his head.

“Yeah?” Philip asks, his mouth dry, kinda feeling like he’s holding a million dollars in his lap.

“Well, remember Gabe brought me into the hallway and you were super suspicious but I told you it was just relationship advice?”

“Yes,” Philip says.

“Well,” Lukas says, that sly smile on his face again, “I was like, lamenting the fact that I couldn’t propose then, which in retrospect I’m really glad I didn’t, because we needed the time to build up and stuff, like they said.”

“Right,” Philip says, in a daze.

“But at the time I was kinda pissy about them telling me I shouldn’t and we should put it off and whatever, but Gabe gave me this idea. He was like ‘write him a letter every time you want to marry him’. Which was always, baby. Every five minutes. So I did what I could. Some of them are short, some of them are longer. Gabe said it would help with the waiting and it really did. I was so happy with some of it that I almost spilled, but I’m glad that I essentially kept this secret. He told me to give it to you after I asked, and that the look in your eyes would be worth it. So…I’m ready for you to look.” He motions with his chin towards the notebook.

Philip’s throat feels like it’s closing up and he’s almost afraid to open it for fear of instant tears, but with trembling fingers he lifts up the cover.

“I started this notebook a little ways through it,” Lukas says. “So the first ones I rewrote. My handwriting gets worse about halfway through the first year.”

Philip starts to read.

_December 25th 2018_

_So this is the first one and lemme tell you I’m more in love with you than I think I’ve ever been. I blew up at Dad but somehow said the right shit, because we just had some of the best sex in the entire world WITHOUT! A CONDOM! It may sound cheesy but what we just did made me feel like the most privileged person in the entire universe. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you. You’re sleeping beside me now and future you is reading this—future you that’s wearing my ring, future you that wants to marry me. Can’t fucking believe it. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it to the moment you’re in right now. I’ll probably spill it. Hopefully I get a good amount of letters in here before I say something stupid and ruin the surprise._

_I love you. You’re the most beautiful thing in the entire universe. <3 PHILIP <3_

Philip bites his lower lip and once again he’s trying to see through his tears. 

“You don’t have to read all of them now,” Lukas says. 

Philip turns the page.

_JANUARY 1ST 2019_

_YOU ARE THE BEST KISSER OF ALL TIME AND YOU JUST ASKED ME WHAT I’M WRITING AND I SAID HOMEWORK AND YOU BELIEVED ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DRUNK_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_Happy New Year I cannot wait til we are legally bound to one another until the end of time_

_January 3rd 2019_

_You just burned cookies and took a picture of the smoke while I waved it away from the smoke detector and somehow I love you more even though you’re an artsy weirdo_

Philip snorts, shaking his head.

“I had so many that January,” Lukas laughs.

Philip’s heart is working overtime and he keeps reading. His head is spinning, he can hardly breathe right. He can’t believe the level of dedication here, and he also can’t believe that he didn’t notice it when it was happening.

_…sitting right next to me doing math and I want to jump your bones…_

_…you’re too smart for your own good, you were so down on yourself today and that drives me crazy because you’re so incredible at everything, I hope you listened to what I said…_

_…broccoli, you make eating broccoli sexy, Jesus Christ…_

He gets to the day of the gay pride parade, and he can tell this isn’t one of the ones Lukas transcribed from the original notebook. 

_June 18th 2019_

_The gay pride parade was a dream. The kind of thing I never thought I’d be able to do but you gave me the strength to do. It felt amazing to be there, but more than anything it felt amazing to be there with you. My angel, my person, everybody who looked at me knew you were the one that made me who I am._

_You’re amazing._

Philip wipes at his eyes and feels his breath catch again. Lukas scoots closer so they’re hip to hip and wraps an arm around his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Philip never wants this to end.

_July 4th_

_You’re prettier than all the fireworks :) OOHHH AHHHH_

_September 15th_

_So NOW WE HAVE A PUPPY and I just about died when I saw how happy you were when you met her omfg I’m so happy right now and I love you so much. We’re gonna have 800 dogs_

_October 31st_

_So um we almost died tonight?? In a haunted house?? But then I realized I’d run through fire for you??? Or fight a bear?? Or climb a mountain?? Or jump on top of a speeding train?? Anything. I’d do anything._

_Once again we just had amazing sex. Sometimes I’m so embarrassed of the noises I make but somehow you still love me. You always look like this beautiful ethereal being and I’m just this big idiot and I just don’t get it BUT I AM NOT COMPLAINING!!!_

_November 15th_

_You are letting me teach you how to swim. I’m so honored and I promise that I’ll take care of you, that I won’t let you be afraid, that I’ll keep you safe. Your secrets are safe with me. Your fears are too. You don’t have to worry about anything when I’m around, baby, because I’m gonna protect you for the rest of our lives. You can ask anything of me. I’ll keep you afloat._

“Okay, I’m getting embarrassed,” Lukas says, putting his hand over the paper.

Philip wrenches it away from him. “No!” he says, his voice breaking ridiculously. “Just…one sec…gimme a couple more minutes and then I’ll look at the rest later.” He clicks his tongue, shaking his head at him. “You’ve waited so long to give this to me and I’m freaking out and now you’re trying to stop me reading it!”

“I’ve never really…read them over, except when I recopied the first few,” Lukas says, shrugging. 

“Then stop reading over my shoulder,” Philip says, trying to slyly smile at him, but he knows he must look pathetic because he’s crying and he can feel his face getting all blotchy.

_…so drunk right now but most favorite, THE MOST ALL TIME FAVORITE…_

_…I miss you when you’re gone for five minutes, but when we’re separate all day it’s literally like a physical pain in my chest…_

_…and I know this is like eight fucking paragraphs about how you look when you sleep and I probably seem creepy as fuck but I’ve worked myself up and I have things to say…_

_…you really, really tear me apart. I never thought I’d be able to let anybody touch me or do things to me the way you do but you leave me begging for more and fuck I’m getting turned on again just writing this! You’re absolutely killing me Philip…_

_…okay TODAY today right now I am literally fucking WEEPING in the bathroom in the fucking Caldwell farm because they just renewed their vows and I WANT TO MARRY YOU, I WANT TO MARRY YOU, GOD PHILIP I CAN’T DEAL…_

_…the best…_

_…your hair?? How??..._

_…my favorite…_

_…YOU ARE TRULY KILLING ME…_

_…no one will ever know me like you do, nothing will ever…_

_…so don’t ever change, because you’re the best person on the planet, okay?..._

Every page is full and he knows he’s gonna need an entire day to sit down and read this because he’s only catching little gems as he goes, his breath short and pinpricks of pain everywhere because he’s never felt like this. He flips another page and sees the date of the cruise, the date of their fight, and Lukas sighs audibly beside him. There are wet marks on the page.

_Baby, I would do anything for you to forgive me. I’ve been crying for hours and I know it doesn’t mean anything to you right now but I’d give you this whole book so you could see how much I love you. I made a terrible fucking mistake and I hate myself. I hurt you and I hate that shit. I want to spend the rest of my life with you baby and the idea that I hurt you here and hurt you over and over again in high school really makes me realize that I don’t fucking deserve you at all. But please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me._

Lukas sighs again. “Okay, one more because I don’t want you to end there,” he says. He flips through and Philip catches a few more words _delicate, extraordinary, WEDDING RING, IMMACULATE._ “This is the last one...the other day, on your birthday.”

“Is this why you were _really_ in the bathroom for so long?” Philip asks, wiping at his eyes again.

Lukas leans in and kisses him on the cheek. “Hush,” he says, but there’s that fondness again. Unbearable.

Philip looks down. 

_Everything’s set. All the plans are made. I’ve looked at the ring a thousand times and even though no piece of jewelry will be perfect enough for you I think this one comes close. I can’t wait to ask you to marry me. You’ve everything, Philip. You found me when I was lost. You put up with me at my worst. You kiss me when I have bad breath. I feel so safe in your arms, like none of the dangers of the world, dangers that we’ve seen, could ever touch me again. You’re my constant. The brightness in my life, the missing piece I needed to make me feel like there was a real reason to live. Your heartbeat is on my skin. Your name too. I belong to you and you belong to me and I don’t want it any other way._

_I love you beyond measure._

_Thank you for saying yes._

Philip lets out a little choked sound and covers his face. He can feel Lukas take the notebook away and put it aside, but before he can do anything else Philip wipes his face and climbs into Lukas’s lap. Lukas puts his hands on Philip’s hips and hauls him closer, and Philip smashes their mouths together without opening his eyes. He cups Lukas’s face in his hands and laughs a little bit, kissing him again, again and again.

“Guess you liked it?” Lukas asks, arms tight around him. 

“Yes,” Philip whispers. “Yes, yes, yes.” Liked isn’t a strong enough word. He loved it. He wants to build a shrine to it. It’s his favorite book. He wants to read it every day until he dies. He wants to be buried with it.

There’s a ring on his finger. They’re engaged, they’re engaged. 

“You’re the only person I’ll ever say shit like that to,” Lukas whispers. “No one, _no one_ knows the real me but you. I think back to that day when I first saw you—goddamn. I’m so lucky. I’m so, so lucky.”

“Lukas,” Philip breathes, clutching at Lukas’s neck. He’s on the high of his life, dizziness overcoming him, every part of his body on fire. Philip kisses him again, frantic, like they have no time, like the world is ending, like someone is gonna pry them apart. He touches Lukas all over, hands tracing up and down his throat, and he starts peppering kisses all over his face. 

“Hey,” Lukas says, sounding breathless, his roaming hands making Philip moan. 

“Yeah?” Philip asks, still kissing his face.

“We’re getting married,” Lukas says.

Philip pulls back to smile at him, dragging his thumbs back and forth across Lukas’s cheekbones. He stares at him and sees his entire life there. Everything that makes him happy, makes him feel important. His reason. His love. He didn’t know things like this were real. He didn’t know fate could find him, hold him, tell him stupid jokes about what it’s like to spin out on a motorcycle on the second day they hung out together. 

_You look nervous. Trust me it’s not that bad._   
_Yeah?_   
_Yeah I mostly just look like a turtle on my back if someone spun me like a dreidel._   
_Oh my God, Lukas._

“Yeah,” Philip says, so full of love and light and pure happiness. “Yeah, we are.”

He leans in to kiss him again when his cell phone rings. They both look down at the sound, brows furrowed, and Philip had completely forgotten he had it in his pocket. He pulls it out, laughing a little bit when he sees the name. “Helen.”

“Did she know too?” Lukas exclaims, eyes wide.

Philip shrugs, trying not to smile. Lukas sighs, leaning forward and bumping his forehead into Philip’s shoulder. 

“Gabe too?”

“Duh.”

“Whenever I open a tab from now on I’m closing it right after,” Lukas says.

Philip snorts, picking up the call, putting it on speaker. “Hello?”

“Hey kid!” Helen says, her voice a little high pitched. Lukas adjusts his arms around Philip’s hips, straightening back up and shaking his head at him. “Uh—I’m here with Gabe, Bo and Sarah…we had a little…double date tonight and we were, uh—wondering if anything eventful was going on over there.”

Lukas grins, rolling his eyes. “Hi, guys,” he says. 

“Oh, hi Lukas!” Helen says.

“We on speaker?”

“Yeah—”

“Hi Lukas—”

“Son, we’re—”

“All listening—”

Philip scoffs, laughing. “We’re just having a quiet night,” he says, cutting them off. “Like, sitting around and watching TV. Nothing special.”

“Oh,” Helen says, sounding genuinely disappointed. “You guys aren’t, uh—nothing special—”

“We got engaged on top of the Empire State Building though I’m sure all of you already knew that was gonna happen because I’m _an idiot_ ,” Lukas says, loudly. 

They all start exclaiming at once and it nearly makes Philip’s heart explode to hear Bo sound so happy about this. He hears Sarah say _and you were worried!_ and the idea of him worrying about this, hoping it goes well, gets Philip crying all over again. 

They talk to them for about ten minutes, answering their random questions, and finally Sarah ushers them off the phone so Philip and Lukas can spend their first night as an engaged couple alone. Philip emails them all the photos. Once they’re free again the mood has cooled off considerably, they change into pajamas and Philip finds out that Lukas had a bottle of champagne in the fridge. He puts the book in his bedside drawer to keep it safe, already planning on reading it in full tomorrow and crying for about an hour afterwards.

They lay down in bed and clink their glasses together. 

“To your dad being excited about you marrying a boy,” Philip says, grinning.

Lukas scoffs. “As if you’re just _a boy._ ”

Philip grins at him. “Your boy.”

Lukas smirks at him, nudging into his shoulder. “Yeah,” he says. “That sounds more like it.”

~

They wake up at exactly the same time, both shifting towards each other in the strange orange glow of the room. Philip hums a little to himself and blinks against the light, looking at the clock on the bedside table. He looks down and sees Lukas eyeing him, confused. 

“We fell asleep,” Philip laughs a little bit. “It’s four in the morning.”

Lukas groans and Philip laughs a little bit, reaching over Lukas and turning the light off, rubbing his shoulder on the way back. Their two empty glasses sit there innocently, and Philip can see Izzy sleeping in the darkened kitchen, her tail wagging in her sleep.

“We were supposed to have outrageously good engaged sex,” Lukas says, grimacing. “I failed you.”

Philip flops back down next to Lukas, smiling at him. “We’re so old,” he says, slipping his leg in between both of Lukas’s.

“Nah,” Lukas says. “We’re not old. But we are gonna grow old together.”

The sentence repeats itself a thousand times in Philip’s head in a thousand different cadences, tones and volumes, and he moves in, pressing his lips to Lukas’s. Lukas kisses him back and it’s calm for the first couple moments, chaste, but then Philip presses himself closer, twisting Lukas’s shirt in his fist. Lukas sighs against his mouth, tracing his tongue over Philip’s bottom lip, inching his fingers along Philip’s waist like they’re walking a well-worn, familiar path. He deepens the kiss, sending a thrill through Philip’s body, and it seems to make him change his mind, get a greater sense of purpose. He rolls over with a little breathy groan and gets on top of Philip, never breaking their kiss.

Philip spreads his legs and Lukas settles between them, running a hand down Philip’s side and back up again, rucking up his shirt into an undignified bundle about mid-chest. But Philip doesn’t care. He’s of one mind, and that mind tears him in every direction that leads him to more of Lukas. But he can tell where they’re leading, can tell what this is, heavy breathing and never-ending kisses. Every time they’re pressed together like this feels like making love and sometimes that makes him nervous in public, that people can see and feel the extent of their feelings, buzzing in the sliver of space between them. But Philip knows they’re safe here, in their apartment, the home they’ve made together. 

He’s safe to let out the ragged moans that threaten every time their cocks slide together through the material of their sweats, safe to dip his hand under the waistband of Lukas’s pants and squeeze his ass, safe to lick up Lukas’s jaw and savor the taste of him. He’s safe to be himself here, safe to touch and admire and take what he pleases.

With Lukas he’s safe, protected, til death do they part. But they won’t part even then, not if Philip has anything to do with it.

They rock together like the waves, shocks of pleasure shuddering through Philip’s pelvis. He pulls his hand out of Lukas’s pants and claws at his lower back, making him hiss. Their noses bump together and Lukas steals another kiss, steals seven, steals fifteen and Philip’s breath away. Philip’s mouth is Lukas’s domain. He knows just how to rule there. 

“Baby,” Lukas whispers, still thrusting. There are too many clothes but it’s too late to get rid of them, the way the two of them are fused together, the way Lukas’s hips are working down against him. Philip’s boxers are already wet and so are Lukas’s, the precome dripping and making the slip slide of their bodies catch on the spot. 

Philip shakes and Lukas presses down harder, wringing out rough, broken moans from both of their throats. Philip will be forever grateful that he knows what Lukas looks like when he’s about to have an orgasm, a special secret that only he’ll know until the end of time, but this time as soon as Lukas’s brows furrow he grabs Philip’s left hand, the one with the ring, and holds it to his mouth. He kisses his fingers, nuzzles into his palm, and Philip watches, dumbstruck, his breathing only getting faster.

“Love you,” Lukas whispers. “Love you.”

Philip can’t even say it back before his release finds him, and he arches his neck back, shaking. Lukas follows fast, making a low, guttural sound as he falls forward, squashing his nose against Philip’s cheek.

He’s still clinging to Philip’s hand when the whiteout fades, and Philip reaches up, carding wobbly fingers through his hair. 

“So if that’s engaged people sex,” Lukas says, half-breathless as he looks at Philip again, “we’ve been doing a lot of it since high school.”

Philip snorts, craning his neck a little bit so he can place a crooked kiss on Lukas’s chin. “I love you,” he whispers. 

“I love you too,” Lukas says. His cheeks color a little bit and he shifts, the stickiness between them more evident with the movement. But it doesn’t bother either one of them. “I hope…I hope the day was…I hope it was…”

Philip’s heart pulses a little bit and he tugs Lukas down by the neck until their lips meet. He kisses him hard, resolute, dipping his tongue into his mouth briefly before dragging it back again. The kiss breaks and he looks into Lukas’s eyes, sees the tears clinging at the corners, illuminated by the strips of moonlight shining into their bedroom. 

“It was perfect,” Philip says. “Absolutely perfect.”

_Just like you. The love of my life. My boyfriend—my fiancé._

_Holy shit._

Lukas grins, bright and wide, and he kisses Philip again. “Good,” he says. “Now let’s go get a shower and go back to sleep.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Philip says, smiling back. Their new chapter, started with a four am shower. He can get behind it.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of blood, sweat and tears in this one. I hope you liked it! <3


End file.
